Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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