Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
