I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
