mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
