It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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