you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
