So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
