hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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