I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
