I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
