Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
