mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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