My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
