How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
