so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
