Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize