I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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