Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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