none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
