Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize