you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
