i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
