Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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