first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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