I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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