Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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