If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
