I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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