Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
