I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
