I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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