It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
