He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
