New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
