I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
