dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
time to smoke my breakfast
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
