so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
