They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
