Apparently you make a good broom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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