wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
