Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
