My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
