it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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