Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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