He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
