it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
tell me about the fingering
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