Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
