So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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