We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm like, not good at living.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
