so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
