That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
