well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
