so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
