I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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