allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
