new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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