You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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