Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize