HIV tests are more positive than that guy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize