Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
