The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
