i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
