What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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