i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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