Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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