Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
