he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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