I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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