if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
