well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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