Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize