Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
