My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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