oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
