If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
