Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
