Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
