her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize