I just threw up on my dentist
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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