So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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