everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
