Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
