My liver just broke up with me...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
