Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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