Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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