Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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