Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize