sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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