the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
