there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
