Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
