I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
