oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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