Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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