Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
