Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
