It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
