3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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