you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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