how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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