Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
