Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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