What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
