I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
