I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
