Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
