just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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