Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
