yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We don't watch enough power rangers
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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